Edward and the Bed
by tara sue me
Summary: My take on what happened at the Cullen house the day Edward bought a bed. One-shot.


I heard Emmett's feet on the stairs three seconds before I heard his thoughts

**A/N: I really wasn't going to write anything after True Companion, but this scene keep bumping around in my head, so I had to write it down.**

**This takes place early in ECLIPSE.**

Stephenie Meyer owns TWILIGHT. Not Me.

#

I heard Emmett's feet on the stairs three seconds before I heard his thoughts. Currently, he was thinking about his latest bet with Jasper, but all that was about to change.

"Edward," he called rounding the corner. "You missed –" He stopped as he rushed into my room and his eyes latched on the new addition. "Dude. That's a bed."

"Congratulations, Emmett," I said dryly. "You've passed Interior Design 101."

He wasn't listening. "But you don't sleep."

I closed my eyes as his lit with supposed understanding.

"Cool," he slapped my back. "You're finally gonna get some!"

_Slow, easy breaths._ I told myself._ You knew this was what everyone would think._

"I hate to disappoint you, Emmett," I said in a voice far calmer than what I felt. "But I am not getting anything and I would appreciate it if –"

"About time, too." He lunged forward and landed right in the middle of the comforter I'd just straightened. "Nice support. Almost as nice as mine and Rose's."

I glared at him. "Get off the bed."

He jumped off, holding his hands up. "Sorry, Edward. Don't get testy. I know how nervous the first time can make a man."

"That is _not_ why I got the bed," I snapped.

"Right. Sure. Anything you say."

I might have convinced him had it not been for Jasper entering at that exact moment. His eyes traveled from me to the bed and back again.

"Congratulations, Edward," he said. "When's the big night?"

Emmett and I spoke at the same time.

"There is no big night."

"He's a bit nervous."

Jasper nodded and tried to hide a grin. "I see. Well, if you need any pointers, I'll be glad to help out."

Again Emmett and I spoke at the same time.

"I don't need any pointers."

"And he's a bit testy."

_If you think we believe that, I've got a bridge to sell you. _Emmett's thoughts were loud and clear.

_You decide when, _Jasper thought, _and I'll make sure everyone's out of the house. Alice and I will take care of you. _

Perhaps it'd be better to let them think Bella and I were going to do something. Maybe then they'd leave me alone.

But my brothers stood before me grinning like two idiots. Nope. They'd never leave me alone; the truth it was.

I rolled my eyes. "When we go hunting next weekend, I'm going to have Bella stay with Alice and Rosalie. I thought she might appreciate a bed to sleep on instead of the couch." I waved towards the leather couch by the window.

Jasper crossed his arms. "Right. You expect us to believe you're going to leave Bella here with Alice and Rosalie?"

I shrugged. "Better than her running down to La Push and hanging out with the dogs."

Jasper considered this for a second. "But _Rosalie_?"

Emmett punched him on the arm. "You got something to say about Rose?"

"No," Jasper shook his head. "It's just that she doesn't seem to be the slumber party type. Especially where Bella's concerned."

"Hummm," Emmett pondered. "He's got a point, Edward. If you're going to make up a story, at least make up something plausible."

Pointless. It was pointless trying to talk reasonably with these two. "I'm not making up a story, I'm telling the truth."

The idiotic grins were back.

"Edward," Jasper said. "It's alright. We've all been there. Having sex for the first time –"

"Again," I said, trying to hide my anger and doing a rotten job. "I am not having sex with Bella, nor do I plan on having sex with Bella."

Emmett snorted. "You're planning on doing it with _someone_ or you else wouldn't have bought a bed."

"Alice!" I yelled.

"Man, you even _think_ about having sex with Alice and I'll rip you into so many pieces there won't be enough left to burn." Jasper's face was so deadpan I couldn't tell if he was serious or not. Surely to goodness he couldn't think I'd ever –

"You rang," Alice called, bouncing into the room. "Oh, it looks so much better in person," she said smiling at the bed.

I grabbed her by the shoulders and turned her to face Emmett and Jasper. "Tell these two I'm not planning on having sex with Bella."

"Edward's not planning on having sex with Bella," she repeated in a voice so monotone even I didn't believe her.

"Thanks, Alice," I said sarcastically.

"Note I said you're not _planning_ on having sex." She gave an impish grin. "There's a big difference between what you're planning to do and what you're going to do."

"I'm not having sex with Bella."

She lifted an eyebrow and I glared at her. At once I was met with a vision of Bella and me on the bed. She lay beside me, my hand slowly trailing down her thigh before suddenly hitching her leg around my waist. My mouth dropped and I glanced at the bed in disbelief.

Alice giggled and a second later I was seeing myself trace Bella's lips with my tongue. Just the thought of tasting those decadent lips was enough to make me moan.

Emmett and Jasper exchanged knowing looks.

_Told you so._ Emmett thought.

_Never lie to us about sex, Virgin Boy, _Jasper shot at me. _It'll never work._

"I'm not having sex with Bella."

Three sets of shoulders shrugged at the same time.

"I. Am. Not. Having. Sex." I said louder.

"Really, Edward," Rosalie said from downstairs. "There's no need to broadcast your love life, we already know how pathetic it is."

#

**A/N: Awww. Now that wasn't nice of Alice to tease Edward like that. I hope he got her back. **


End file.
